I (16:F) hurt my mum

2021.10.24 21:12 Smooth-Activity6974 I (16:F) hurt my mum

This sounds so stupid… Anyway, my mum recently asked me to take my dog for a walk - which I was more than happy to - but I took a rather long time which she was really pissed off about.
I suffer a lot with depression, which I never really felt supported by family regarding the ‘mental health’ department. Well, for the past month I have been falling into really bad habits again (waking up at 2pm, watching tv all day, binge eating, etc…) and on the 30th day of the month I decided to wake up earlier, make my bed, clean room (I know this sounds like normal expected responsibilities but I struggle to do ‘simple’ tasks, on a day to day basis).
My mum started getting impatient with me after her constant nagging for me to take my dog out, which I understand that I was taking a long time. As I was putting my shoes on, getting ready to take him out, she storms into my room lays on my bed, refuses to leave, then starts ripping off my sheets, ripping down photos on my wall, throwing things around in my room (this really upset because I felt like that day was a fresh start).
I stupidly decided to yank her off my bed. I attempt to get her out of my room (I don’t like it when people invade my personal space). But she won’t leave my room - at this point I refused to take my dog out, because I don’t like being told what to do.
I don’t know what overcame me but I shoved her really hard in attempt to push her out of my room (I really understand that this was wrong of me). I felt rage after she ruined my room, so I went to wardrobe and started tearing everything down.
We ended up back next to each other, and I don’t know who initiated it but I just remembered her yanking my hair so I did the same, we were kicking each other, and then some point she ended up on the floor. Again, I don’t know what overcame me but when she was on the floor I punched her really hard on the back repeatedly and kicked her really hard repeatedly.
Later on, I rushed off to my bathroom, hysterically crying. I had a really bad panic attack which led to me attacking my arm with scissors (I usually SH when I’m overwhelmed). I felt so awful and ashamed so I took a lot of paracetamol - hoping that I would die (it obviously didn’t work).
I just feel so guilty and ashamed. I hope that the aggression within me will never resurface. I keep replaying the event in my mind and can’t deal with the guilt, it’s killing me. My mum and I have already forgiven each other. But this constant sensation of guilt is so overwhelming. I know I deserve this state of mind, but at some point I need to learn, forgive and hopefully let go. I can’t be tormented by this shame and regret forever. Please help. I really need advice on how to move on and grow.

Barley anytime had passed, he kicked me out the house (with no shoes), threw my shoes at me aggressively. I called my other family members in shock (as it was rare for my family to be physical) yet it was never addressed again after. I return home, my dad yanks me by my arms across the floor then goes on to scream at me some more, telling me: I’m a “disappointment” and that my mental health issues are “fake”.
That’s statement really left a mark. My family know that I have struggled with depression and anxiety for pretty much my whole life. I also have issues with trust and sharing my feelings - they’re very much aware of this, as they encourage me to share more with the family. My dads comment was inspired by my evil step mum who despises my siblings and I, as well as my mum, whom she’s never met before. I felt my feelings were really invalidated by that remark, it really hurt.
My family really love each other. I love them so much and I feel so grateful for them. However, those physical incidences that have occurred, make me feel like absolute shit.
I know that I messed up so badly, I feel disgusted and regretful of my idiotic actions. But I really can’t live in shame forever. Please help me overcome this.
(Sorry for the lengthy text - I have no one to talk to this about… I tried with a therapist, but she didn’t give two shits)
Thank you for listening ❤️
submitted by Smooth-Activity6974 to Anger [link] [comments]


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  • Sure, all of them start with Readme document. This part I've passed and thank you, community, helping me.
  • Then they say to use public resources to share the link. It is clear and understandable, the world needs to know and I step-by-step spread
  • Besides these, some say "do not be shy asking people to star you". Well, I followed recommendation and asked to star directly in readme and in this banner for social media. But honestly saying, not really sure for that.
Since I don't have much experience in OSS public projects, sorry that I periodically bother you. I still need to learn a lot and don't want to screw the things. Or at least not too much :)
Please share your thoughts and experience. Is it acceptable by OSS community (developers and source code users) to ask to star or it is a bad manner?
https://preview.redd.it/en96rugqnhv71.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=d5b5e08500430f997932bc1bcd0c040b7eb69f69
View Poll
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I am installing deep root irrigation via drip irrigation into PVC pipes with holes, around the edge of the canopy of my live oak trees. The stakes go down about 20 inches into the ground, which should be about the max depth of the oak trees' fine roots as I understand.
The trees are just over 20 years old and around 20 inches in diameter. I imagine they've historically been underwatered from the previous owners as they're smaller than my neighbors' trees. I've got the trunk flare exposed and corrected some earlier lion-tailing, so I think they're on a better path now..
An article on arborday (https://arbordayblog.org/treecare/how-to-properly-water-your-trees/) says "the rule of thumb for established trees is 10 gallons of water for each inch of the tree’s diameter."
Question is - is this accurate? Is it specific to sprinkler systems vs drip irrigation vs deep root irrigation?
200 gallons of water seems to be an awfully lot to drip irrigate a mature tree, and I know live oaks are fairly drought tolerant once establish, but interested to hear your thoughts. I was planning on spacing out each stake/pipe 7 feet apart covering about 1/2 of the canopy. Running it once a week in the summer, once a month in the "winter".
Zone 9b, clay soil with a tad loam,
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2021.10.24 21:12 ThrowRa9119 i(m24) heard girlfriend(f22) saying I'm easily manipulated and i don't know what to make of it need some advice .

So yesterday i used my girlfriends phone to send something to myself she was taking a shower ( we have permission to use each other's phones after a misunderstanding ) when i saw an interesting notification sent to her by one of her friends it said " lol he's probably going to cheat on you with the first red hair he sees he seems to love them " my curiosity got the better of me because i said to myself it's probably about me .
when i opened it and saw the messages and all the messages before it kinda hurt . her friend was saying she hated and found me annoying and unattractive before but now she finds me cute and " kinda hot ".
then my gf said leave him alone lol you can easily manipulated and seduce specially if you're attractive him unless u act like a gold digger his last gf look advantage of this of that and she said : he's such an idiot and then my gf sent a few laughing emojis and told again to leave me alone idiot or not she loves me and that she's gotta be cautious of other's because I'm probably going to cheat or do something stupid if she doesn't . then she sent the message that got me interested
" he's probably going to cheat on u with the first hot red hair that's willing to have an afair he seems to love them " she sent the last message 30 minutes after my gf sent her which was when i saw it .
I don't care about her friends talking shit the only thing that made me feel insecure was the easily manipulated part that means she has manipulated me before if she knows what to do and not to do .
i didn't think she feels like this about me i already have self confidence issues my mother looked down on me with my slightest error or whenever i didn't work out and look fit she found fat people disgusting . and indirectly brought me down me down when i gained a bit of weight for a few years as a teenager .
I've been cold with her since i don't know what to make of this the more i think of it the more i see that she has been cautious with me like a child sometimes . i need some advice i know it's probably nothing and i shouldn't get offended so easily what should i do ? should i talk to my gf or just ignore this and get over it .
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Why even bother? It's painfully obvious it's not beer, first of all. Second of all is one beer going to impair his performance or something? If he took the trouble to fill an empty beer bottle with water for the videos, the message behind it becomes literally "hey man, look at me drinking beer like a badass lol." Fucking soft.
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Ill dm you if you got it
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i spent the weekend with my mom, and in fact i actually just saw her earlier today. for some reason though, i miss her a lot and i really just wanna cry tbh. does this happen to anyone else?
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